 Insights from Jonathan Haidt's The Anxious Generation and Beyond Executive Summary Jonathan Haidt's *The Anxious Generation* has reignited the conversation around adolescent mental health and the role of digital technology particularly smartphones and social media. While Haidt underscores a real and growing concern, his analysis tends to overemphasize correlational findings and understate the complexity of the digital ecosystem young people inhabit today. This white paper expands on Haidt's thesis by incorporating robust empirical research, acknowledging the permanence of digital technologies, and advocating for a balanced, proactive, and developmentally sensitive approach to digital parenting. Rather than banning or avoiding technology, we must equip children and adolescents with the tools, boundaries, and self-regulation strategies to thrive both online and offline. 1. Understanding Haidt's Central Argument: The "Great Rewiring" of Childhood Haidt outlines two parallel transformations that began around 2010:
Haidt connects these trends to an alarming rise in youth mental health issues particularly among adolescent girls. He cites increases in anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and self-harm that coincided with the rise of Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok. While this narrative is compelling and well-researched in parts, it has been met with skepticism from researchers who emphasize the limitations of correlational data and the need for more nuanced causal models. 2. Empirical Evidence: The Real Relationship Between Social Media and Mental Health Current psychological research offers a more complex picture: Small, Context-Dependent Effects:
Bidirectionality and Reverse Causation:
A binary "good vs. bad" framing fails to capture the full reality of digital engagement. 3. Technology Isn't Going Anywhere: Preparing Youth for a Digital FutureRather than delay or eliminate technology, children must be taught to navigate digital tools with intention and integrity. Digital Literacy as a Core Skill: Understand how digital systems work: algorithmic curation, misinformation, digital footprints, and AI-generated content. Building Self-Regulation:
The goal is to help adolescents internalize values and skills that allow them to thrive in both physical and digital environments. 4. The Role of Parents: Frameworks, Not Firewalls Parents remain the most influential force in a child's digital development. Create a Developmentally Appropriate Framework:
Monitor with Transparency:
Teach Values-Based Decision Making:
Digital resilience is a public health and educational issue. Schools Can:
Communities must join the effort to support youth and advocate for protective policy measures. Conclusion: A Resilient Generation is a Guided Generation *The Anxious Generation* raises important concerns, but the solution is not rejectionit's guidance. We need action that is:
Youth must be equipped to think critically, connect authentically, and regulate themselves in both real and virtual spaces. With the right support, they can flourish in the digital age By Dr. Ariella Soffer
Clinical Psychologist, CEO and Founder of Soffer & Associates Clinical Faculty, Rutgers University  Athletic performance is not just a matter of physical ability—it is deeply influenced by both individual psychology and team dynamics. Research consistently highlights the importance of mental resilience, emotional regulation, and interpersonal relationships in achieving peak performance. The interplay between an athlete’s intrinsic mindset, motivation, and coping mechanisms, alongside the external influences of team culture, coaching strategies, and communication dynamics, can decide success or struggle. Beyond sport-specific mental training, there are times when deeper personal exploration through psychotherapy is crucial. As Madison Keys shared in her speech following her Australian Open 2024 victory, seeking therapy allowed her to work through personal challenges that extended beyond the confines of sport. Her experience underscores a growing understanding: mental health and sports performance are inseparable. Whether addressing past experiences, managing anxiety, or refining self-belief, comprehensive psychological support—both within team structures and on an individual level—can be transformative. This resource, created by the Sport Psychology team at Soffer & Associates, explores the evidence-based principles of sport psychology, team and coach dynamics, and individual mental health interventions, providing insight into how athletes can optimize their performance and well-being both on and off the field. Mastering the mental game doesn’t just elevate your performance in sport—it builds resilience, focus, and confidence that extend far beyond the field, enriching aspects of your life far BEYOND the game. Team sports aren’t just about competition—they shape who you are on and off the field. Here’s how being part of a team sets athletes up for lifelong success: 1. Mastering Communication From strategizing on the field to celebrating victories, effective communication is key. Playing a team sport teaches you to actively listen, express ideas clearly, and connect with people from diverse backgrounds. Skill translates directly to personal relationships and professional teamwork. 2. Building Resilience and Adaptability Whether bouncing back from a loss or adapting to new team roles, team sports teach perseverance in facing challenges. These lessons help athletes develop emotional resilience and thrive in dynamic, high-pressure environments. 3. Learning Leadership and Teamwork Team sports balance leadership and collaboration. You’ll learn how to inspire and motivate others while respecting your role within a larger group—an essential skill in business, community projects, or any collective effort 4. Time Management and Goal Setting Balancing practices, games, and personal responsibilities instills discipline and time management. Athletes also set goals and create actionable plans to achieve them—laying the groundwork for productivity and success in life. 5. Cultivating a Growth Mindset Team sports foster a culture where hard work and persistence lead to improvement – accepting feedback, learning from mistakes, and striving to improve creates a mindset essential for personal and professional growth. Playing a team sport helps to build a foundation for lifelong success, and the benefits extend far beyond the game One of the most effective visualization exercises: the “Mental Game Walkthrough,” combines sensory imagery with a mental rehearsal of the game, helping athletes condition their minds for optimal performance. This will help you prepare for a game, a job interview, a college interview or ANY time you want to hone your Mindset. Here’s how to do it1. Set the Stage
○ Visualize yourself at the venue ○ Engage all five senses
3. Walk Through Key Moments
Why It Works This exercise helps rewire your brain to associate success with the game environment, reduces pre-game/event anxiety, and improves focus and confidence. By mentally “rehearsing” success, you’re more likely to execute effectively.
 Dry January has become a popular challenge—ditching alcohol for 31 days after the indulgences of the holiday season. For many, it’s a time to detox the body, improve physical health, and recover from celebratory overindulgence. But what if we reimagined Dry January not as a reaction to holiday excess, but as an intentional exercise in mental clarity and emotional growth?
By reframing Dry January as a mindful reset for the brain, rather than just the body, we can unlock deeper benefits of going alcohol-free. Here’s how Dry January can be approached with a fresh perspective. Alcohol and Emotional Habits: Beyond the Physical While most people recognize the physical effects of alcohol, its role in our emotional patterns often goes overlooked. Whether it’s using a drink to take the edge off after a stressful day or as a social lubricant at events, alcohol often becomes a stand-in for emotional coping mechanisms. When done mindfully, Dry January can:
A Cognitive Reset for a New Year Instead of seeing Dry January as simply an abstinence exercise, view it as a reset button for the brain. Here’s what science tells us about the mental benefits of removing alcohol:
Adding, Not Subtracting A key criticism of Dry January is that it focuses on what you’re taking away rather than what you’re gaining. Let’s flip that script. Instead of making it just about abstaining, add practices that foster growth and intentionality:
A Personalized Approach: Make It Yours Not everyone who tries Dry January has a problematic relationship with alcohol, nor is complete abstinence the end goal for everyone. The value lies in tailoring the experience to reflect your goals and needs. For some, the focus might be on examining why alcohol is a default choice. For others, it might involve learning how to set boundaries in environments where drinking is encouraged. The point is not about following the “rules” but about uncovering insights into how alcohol intersects with your mental health and emotional patterns. It’s Not About Perfect, It’s About Present What if you slip up or decide to have a drink during Dry January? That’s OK. Rather than abandoning the challenge, use it as a learning moment. Reflect on why the choice was made and how it made you feel. Don’t allow Dry January to become a rigid commitment to perfection—it can be a flexible framework for being more mindful about your relationship with alcohol, your choices, and your emotional habits. Looking Ahead: A Lasting Impact Reframing Dry January as a month to cultivate mental clarity shifts the focus from sacrifice to opportunity. It’s less about “what you’re giving up” and more about “what you’re making space for,” and the benefits don’t need to end on February 1st. Many participants find themselves drinking less throughout the year, practicing healthier coping mechanisms, or feeling more confident in their ability to engage with life fully, no alcohol required. So, this January, don’t just detox—dig deeper. Think of it as a month to reset emotionally, mentally, and physically, paving the way for a clearer, more intentional year ahead. By Ariella Soffer, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, CEO and Founder of Soffer & Associates  On December 6, 2024, the Hudson Catholic High School football community experienced an unimaginable tragedy. A car accident claimed the lives of multiple individuals, including head football coach Lamar McKnight and assistant coach Brad Cunningham. The sudden loss of these two leaders, who were more than just strategists but also mentors and father figures to their players, has left the team and community grappling with profound grief. While Hudson Catholic navigates the complexities of implementing healing and recovering strategies for their students and community, the tragedy underscores the critical importance of having best practices in place to guide athletic programs through such crises. Drawing on lessons from similar incidents in the sports world, communities must learn to move forward, while honoring those who are no longer with them. Grieving Together: Best Practices in the Face of Loss When tragedy strikes a community, teams are often at the heart of both mourning and healing. The collective experience of grief can strengthen bonds when approached with intention and care. Acknowledging the Loss Public acknowledgment of a tragedy is the first step toward healing. By addressing the loss with transparency and empathy, schools and organizations can validate the grief of their players, families, and community members. Memorial services, team gatherings, and symbolic acts of remembrance help bring people together in a spirit of support. Creating a Supportive Environment The emotional toll on athletes and coaches is significant. Mental health professionals, counselors, and grief specialists play a crucial role in helping individuals process their emotions while navigating the path forward. Schools can create open forums, offer counseling sessions, and hold team meetings focused on shared healing. Learning from Similar Experiences Many athletic teams and organizations have faced similar tragedies in past decades, and their responses offer valuable insight into how to move forward.
Moving Forward: A Framework for Teams After Tragedy Healing as a Team
Teams often find that shared grief strengthens relationships. By leaning on each other, athletes and coaches can work through their emotions together using structured support.
Honoring Legacies Playing the game is not just a return to normalcy—it is an act of remembrance. By dedicating practices, games, or seasons to the memory of those lost, teams keep their legacies alive.
Leadership Transition Losing pivotal figures on a team can leave a leadership void. Filling this gap is vital for restoring stability.
Building a Culture of Resilience The most enduring legacy of those lost often comes through the resilience they inspire in others. Schools and teams can use these moments as an opportunity to cultivate emotional intelligence, prioritize mental health, and instill values that extend far beyond the field. Fostering Open Communication Creating spaces where athletes feel comfortable expressing themselves is essential for long-term healing.
Balancing Grief with Gratitude Even in the face of heartbreak, recognizing the support of teammates, the strength of the community, and the memories of those lost can help players find perspective. Teams might incorporate exercises to help in the healing process.
A Shared Journey Toward Healing The tragedy that struck Hudson Catholic High School is a sobering reminder of life’s fragility and the irreplaceable value of those lost. While the road ahead will be long and challenging, drawing from the experiences of other teams and their communities demonstrates that healing is possible. By leaning on each other, fostering a culture of openness, and honoring the legacy of Coaches McKnight and Cunningham, the Hudson Catholic community can work to turn grief into strength. As the team, school, and broader community move forward, they do so as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. By focusing on unity, purpose, and the values instilled by those who are gone, they honor their memory in the most meaningful way. By Ariella Soffer, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, CEO and Founder of Soffer & Associates References:
 We have reached the time of year when days are filled with festive celebrations, social gatherings, and the holiday rush. Yet, it’s also the time of year in which many of us experience a low mood. As the sunlight decreases and the days get shorter, many of us struggle with fatigue, sadness, and a general sense of gloominess. These symptoms are often exacerbated by our belief that we should feel more energized and positive during the holiday months, leaving us feeling inadequate and isolated because we feel out of sync with how we assume others feel. For many, the fall and winter months are a time when nothing sounds better than pulling the blankets over our heads and staying in bed.
Signs You May Be Experiencing “Winter Blues” The “winter blues,” while not an official medical diagnosis, are commonly characterized by a low mood that occurs during the shorter and darker days in fall and winter. Symptoms include a sense of sadness, fatigue, a lack of motivation, and some difficulty sleeping. One may experience social withdrawal and the desire to stay indoors, alone, rather than socializing. Although symptoms tend to be mild and typically subside after a short period of time, they are bothersome and can prevent experiencing joy and pleasure during these months. Understanding Low Mood: Potential Contributing Factors The exact cause of low mood over the fall and winter has not been determined, but several potential contributing factors have been identified. First, a reduction in sunlight can cause a reduction in serotonin, a neurotransmitter in the brain that affects mood. Second, an increased production of melatonin, a hormone that responds to darkness, may cause increased lethargy and sleepiness. Third, we tend to have less outdoor exposure during the winter months, due to cold and darkness. Reduced exposure can lead to a Vitamin D deficiency, which can impact serotonin levels and lead to depression symptoms. Although the exact cause of low mood is unknown, the symptoms can nevertheless be difficult to cope with. Mood Boosters: How to Navigate Low Mood During Colder Months The good news: there are steps we can take to boost our moods, even in the colder and darker months. Certain behaviors influence our moods, for better or worse. Here are some recommended actions to help navigate and conquer a low mood:
More good news: shifting our thinking can also help to influence mood. A low mood during the holiday season can oftentimes be connected to unhelpful thought patterns, such as believing that the holidays should go a particular way or that we should feel a certain way because others presumably do. A “should” statement is one that tells us what we should be doing, thinking, or feeling. For instance, we may tell ourselves that we “should” host many people for our holiday meal because we have in the past, or that we “should” do all the holiday shopping in person rather than online. Such “should” statements set unrealistic expectations that may lead to feelings of inadequacy and exhaustion – both of which can be triggers for low mood. As an alternative, when you notice you are telling yourself how things “should” be or how you “should” feel, get curious about where the expectation comes from (for example, you want to host many people for a holiday meal so that no one feels excluded, or you want to shop in person rather than online because it feels more personal). Then, evaluate and decide what action to take. Practice acceptance that your intentions may not go entirely as planned. When Low Mood Goes Beyond “Winter Blues”(Winter-Onset Seasonal Affective Disorder) At times, a low mood can be more severe than “winter blues,” and in such cases, more attention may be required. “Winter blues” and winter-onset seasonal affective disorder (SAD) are often conflated, but winter-onset SAD has symptoms that are greater in severity, longer in duration and more persistent in nature. Winter-onset SAD is a condition recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) that includes the following symptoms, some of which overlap with “winter blues”:
With winter-onset SAD, these symptoms have a more significant impact on your life and can cause daily impairment. If you think you have symptoms of winter-onset SAD, it is important to contact your healthcare provider or seek professional therapy for treatment and support. Important note: If you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, call 911 or 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). More information can be found here: https://988lifeline.org.  Consider a scenario where a teenage boy comes home from school, slams down his backpack and takes off his shoes before throwing them on the floor. His face has a deep frown and he avoids eye contact. When his father asks what is wrong, the boy’s eyes fill with tears and responds, “I’m a failure.” When his father asks follow-up questions, the boy unzips his backpack and pulls out a crumpled-up piece of paper – a math quiz, with the grade of ‘B’ written in the top right corner. “I made a stupid mistake. I’m so dumb.” The boy sits down at the table and puts his face in his hands. “I will never make it into a good college with these grades.” In another circumstance, a tween girl has been offered placement into the honors science class at her school. When her mother congratulates her, the girl says matter-of-factly, “I’m not going to do it.” Her mother, flabbergasted and wanting every opportunity for her daughter asks, “What do you mean? You’ve worked so hard in science and now it’s being recognized by your teachers.” The girl shrugs and says, “It’s too hard. I like getting good grades and I’m worried I won’t get an A.” Despite much persistence from the mother, the girl continues to refuse to join the honors science class. Do either of these situations sound familiar? Both accounts exemplify a tendency that arises in many school-aged children: perfectionism. As we approach a new school year, it is helpful for parents to know how to identify and intervene with perfectionist tendencies within the context of school. What is perfectionism and why is it problematic? Perfectionism is characterized by an extreme fear of failure and having unrealistic expectations of oneself and others. Oftentimes, perfectionism is considered a positive attribute, particularly within the context of our achievement-focused culture. Indeed, perfectionism does have some advantages, as it can motivate one to work hard and strive for accomplishment. However, it can become problematic and clinically significant when it causes considerable distress or interferes with daily life. Striving for perfectionism can be a means to avoid shame. Children (and adults) with perfectionistic tendencies often work to achieve their best results, but with a deep sense of dissatisfaction because they are driven by the desire to avoid being seen as a failure. Perfectionism can lead to unhelpful thought patterns, such as:
How to approach perfectionism as a parent. The goal for parents is to help their children become more flexible and less rigid in their thinking, and to support them in having more compassion for themselves and others. Parents have multiple tools they can use to help their children move away from perfectionism:
Overall, when children embrace more flexible thinking and aim for a middle ground, they can strive for achievement and have a more balanced approach to schoolwork and other activities. Going into the new school year, this insight is an important element to keep in mind! By Janine Weisenbeck, LMSW, JD. Photo credit: fizkes Reposted with permission from WEForum  Ariella Soffer, Ph.D. Psychologist and Entrepreneur Ariella Soffer, Ph.D. shares how working through problems with a licensed therapist is drastically different from talking to friends or family. Ariella Soffer is a licensed clinical psychologist in New York City whose multifaceted career requires her to juggle numerous responsibilities, including running a group practice while being a full-time therapist, freelancing as a data consultant, and being a committed mother - to name just a few. Dr. Soffer’s career has given unique insights to the challenges facing the mental healthcare industry today. From the barriers being placed by insurers that make therapy cost prohibitive, to the need to educate the public on what to expect from therapy, Dr. Soffer is committed to the belief that high quality services should be available to everybody. I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with Dr. Soffer to discuss the biggest misconceptions about mental healthcare. Can you tell me a little bit about your background and what sparked your initial interest in being a therapist? I’m from New York City. I was born and raised and lived half of my life there. Both of my parents are also therapists, so it wasn’t entirely an off-the-mark trajectory, I suppose. I was initially interested in medicine and thought that was the path I wanted to take. Eventually, I pivoted and decided that the patient relationships that I wanted to have were more akin to being a psychologist rather than a neurologist, which had been my focus up until then. What was it exactly about therapy that prompted you to make the switch from neurology? Initially I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be a researcher, exclusively a therapist in private practice, or an academic. The program I went to at Fordham University was a research-heavy, empirically supported treatment program, so I could have taken my career in a number of different directions. That was one of the key things I liked about psychology versus other degrees in mental health - the fact that there was a lot of diversity in terms of the things you could do. What I liked about psychology versus other mental health disciplines was the multifaceted curriculum – I learned how to pursue and conduct research, write grants and publish, teach at a college and graduate level, and also learned to implement various treatment modalities. I was fortunate to have excellent clinical supervision on my externship and internship placements to compliment the mentorship I had at Fordham. Consequently, I felt very prepared for a career that afforded me the opportunity to pursue multiple different domains of psychology (research and consultation alongside clinical practice and supervision). Where I really started to get interested in therapy was at the intersection of change and the mechanisms of change, and how people got better during therapy. I started to understand how researching small aspects of the therapy process could help my clinical practice, and how important the relationship between a therapist and client, and supervisor and supervisee are in impacting who gets better in therapy. Research began to really support this as well and had a big impact on my clinical practice. How does this interest in change affect how you provide care for your clients? It is important to be very intentional about the things I listen for and how I intervene. Above all else, I try very hard to ensure that I am connecting what’s happening in the session to what I am working on with a patient. There are clues in each session that come in the form of words, behaviors and interactions that can help to facilitate a more powerful intervention, whether I am trying to utilize a more behavioral or insight-oriented technique. The more attuned I am to the person in the room, the more of an impact my interventions will make. Obviously, being well educated and well informed about the treatments that work is very important. But in the end, it comes down to the human connection between a therapist and their client. I think that being attuned to a client’s objective and their goals and being able to listen for that and connect it to the intervention is the most important thing. In your opinion, what is the biggest misconception people have about mental health care? A patient asked me yesterday what’s the difference between talking to a friend and talking to a licensed therapist. I think that’s something that people ask a lot when coming into therapy. “I have people in my life I can talk to already, so what’s the difference? A therapist is just another person I’m talking to but then have to pay.” I think that’s a big misconception because a therapist is a trained professional who is outside of your life, who is listening in a very intentional way, and is intervening in a very specific way, to address a particular problem, or set of problems, or a diagnostic concern. A therapist is also not a stakeholder in someone’s life in the same way as a confidant. I don’t think people know how important of a distinction that is and how different a conversation that can create. This confusion is compounded by the fact that people don’t necessarily understand the mental health industry or comprehend the range of treatment options that are available and what separates one form of mental health care from another. There are so many different people in what we can broadly call the mental health space. I think it obfuscates what therapy actually is or should be. Could you explain more about the differences between working with someone who's a licensed therapist and someone who is not? Therapists strive to help someone achieve a particular objective. That doesn’t necessarily have to be a symptomatic objective. It could be somebody who says “I find it helpful to have a therapist in my life who I’m working through problems with on a weekly basis. That's how I want to use this service.” So, the therapist should listen and be aligned to that goal. Where someone else may be coming to therapy because they have a spider phobia. They don’t want to be phobic of spiders anymore. So, in this case, the therapist should work on resolving that particular issue. The client could also be a very anxious person, but they’re not interested in working on that because they’re a solitary person who works with computers and don’t need to interface with anybody else – so the therapist can make the person aware of the way in which they could help with the general anxiety, but it’s up to a patient to decide if that is what they would like to work on at that time in their life. A therapist can encourage change, show someone the benefits, but also needs to respect where a person is in their life at the time they come into treatment. Therapy should be informed by someone’s knowledge base in their field and also what kind of care the patient is interested in. So it sounds like therapy should be a partnership between a mental health provider and the client to work towards clearly defined outcomes. Yes, and informed by clinical practice. Looking at the mental healthcare space, since you had such a great multi-generational experience, what would you like to see change? I would like insurance companies to stop interfering in people’s ability to have high-quality mental health care. There is such a huge need for high quality mental health care and therapy providers. And not just among people who have good mental health insurance benefits or who are wealthy and can afford it. I think insurance companies have made it very difficult for providers to earn a living wage without seeing back-to-back patients unless they have a business model, like I was fortunate enough to create, where people can afford to pay out of pocket fees for a more curated service. I think there should be a solution for that. High-quality services should be available to everybody. This is where Nirvana Health can really step in, by helping to make the mental health billing process easier for both clients and therapists. How do you think Nirvana could be most effective in addressing mental health billing difficulties? Nirvana is in a unique position as a liaison between mental health insurance companies, practices, providers, and patients. This positions Nirvana to be a valuable resource for disseminating information to the general public while also being an advocate. I think Nirvana's focus on helping therapists get paid appropriately for services while ensuring that clients are having the easiest road possible to mental health services is essential. The more insurance companies and mental health billing issues are removed as barriers, the more people will take advantage of those services. For example, when I was at a small counseling center at a large public college, we had three therapists on staff and served approximately 26,000 students at the university. We referred a lot of the students out because we didn’t have capacity to serve them on campus. We did a study of the students that were referred and what we learned was that less than 20% of those students followed up with the referral. Why did so few follow up? Because they didn’t understand how therapy would benefit them. I think that is also true of a lot of people. People, in general, don’t understand how therapy can help them with their problems. Nirvana is in a great position to help educate people about the benefits of therapy while explaining to insurance companies how they’re contributing to a mental health care shortage. Personally, Nirvana has helped me and the therapists in my practice to focus more on the clinical part of our work and less on the mental health billing and insurance part. During the COVID-19 Pandemic there was such a huge growth in services in my practice. It’s been exciting that so many people have needed services, but it’s also sad to see that this pandemic has had such a negative mental health effect. There’s an explosion of need right now and there are not that many providers who can accommodate it. People are getting pretty creative about how to expand their service, and Nirvana’s mental health billing services have been key in making that possible for my practice. This original interview has been edited for length and clarity. January 27, 2022 (Reposted from with permission from Nirvana)
 Photo by Anete Lusina As a new parent, I had an insatiable number of questions about my child and my
parenting - am I doing this, right? Is my baby OK? Is there a better way to do this? No matter how many questions were answered, I always had more. In between our early pediatrician visits I filled up the Notes App on my phone with new questions for our next visit. Most of the time, I had already spent hours googling, asking friends, calling the on-call nursing service to ask the same questions to try and somehow get answers for my never-ending list. Many women in my clinical practice suffer from postpartum anxiety or depression. This means that in the year postpartum women (and/or sometimes their partners) might be worrying excessively, suffering from insomnia, experiencing low appetite, navigating fears about many aspects of life, experiencing physical symptoms or panic attacks, having persistently low mood, feeling overwhelmed, crying frequently, feeling irritable or apathetic, experiencing mood swings along with a range of other symptoms. When someone's default is compromised because of her emotional state, it can be particularly hard in this digital age that we live in to trust oneself and her decisions when everything out there seems to contradict. If you google "when to sleep train" you might find 20 articles saying different things about when, if and how. The rates of postpartum and pregnancy-related mood disorders are higher than many people realize ...
Suicide is one of the three leading cause of maternal death around the world. Bleeding and hypertension were number 1 and 2. The peak risk for suicide in this study was 7 to 9 months postpartum. (Dell & O'Brien. 2003) Who is at risk for postpartum mental health mood disorder?
Why talk about these statistics?
Our hope is that if we can help people understand how common these symptoms are, particularly in the first year of life, identify the symptoms, and take a more proactive approach it will facilitate parents getting the help they need more often. Med-Psych’s Parent Consultation approach is to both address the concern you have for your child from a medical perspective as well as help you identify whether there are parenting/psychological issues at play that impact your current struggle. Whether a parent is experiencing a postpartum mental health disorder or simply something that is coming up for him/her surrounding a particular parenting struggle, we appreciate how important it is to help our clients understand their own reaction to the issue so that it can be most effectively addressed. We know just how hard parenting is, and are here to help you through. By Ariella Soffer, Ph.D.  In almost every parent consultation session in our practice, a caregiver brings up a situation that they worry will “make their child anxious/upset/worried/depressed” and their biggest concern is, “how do we prevent this from happening?” As parents and caregivers, and more generally as human beings, we want to shield those we care about from pain. What we will try and explain in this article is why you should not attempt to shield your child from anxiety and pain.
Let’s take a few examples: Your kid hates going to the dentist. Do you avoid telling them that they have two cavities that need to be filled in the next two weeks because you know it’ll be upsetting? Or do you bring it up knowing you may be faced with an outright meltdown? Your child doesn’t make the basketball team and all her friends did. She has a birthday party that day and you know all her friends will be discussing it. Do you send her to the party where you know she will be upset hearing them all talk about the team? Or do you hold her back so she can avoid dealing with those bad feelings? Your daughter is scheduled for her vaccines after school, but she hates needles (and so do you). Do you pick her up from school with ice cream and let it be a surprise? Or prepare her for the visit in the morning before she leaves? Your mother is in the hospital because she had a stroke, and your son notices that you and your partner have been taking turns going back and forth somewhere… Do you share with him that there is something wrong with grandma? Or keep him in the dark? The most important takeaway from this article is that anxiety is not generated from discussing topics that are scary. Kids feel anxious when they are in situations where they feel ill-prepared to navigate a situation and feel confused, misled, and scared. Considering example #3: If you arrive at the doctor and your daughter is not aware of the fact that she is getting her vaccines, she will feel like you lied to her and consequently be reactive and afraid. Try giving yourself and your child more credit for being able to handle the situation:
Arming someone with preparedness builds confidence and capability Think about a situation for yourself that was new. How did you prepare yourself? Rehearsal is a good way to get comfortable with something you have to do. You likely don’t go into a meeting without rehearsing, so give your children the same opportunity in an age-appropriate way. As described in example #4, illness and death in a family is another big area of concern for parents. We always give the same advice here. Always be direct and honest (again, in an age-appropriate way) and tell your child what is happening. “Grandma is in the hospital because she had something called a stroke. The doctors are trying to find ways to work on her body and her mind so that she can get better. I am feeling sad and worried about it, but know that the doctors are doing everything that they can to help her. This may also be scary for you, so I understand if you have questions, and I am here for you to talk about it. We will be able to visit her when the doctors say we can.” Another strategy that can be effective is creating a story that puts yourself in your child’s shoes to reflect how they might be feeling. “I remember when I was about your age and on the first day of school when nobody I knew was in my class. I felt pretty scared, but I remember that my dad told me that doing hard things was something that, while hard, I did all the time. He reminded me about the time I went to my first swim meet, and I didn’t know anyone on the new team, but then I swam in a relay and brought our team into first place and had so much fun!” Kids want to feel less alone, both with their feelings and also in reality. You, as their parent, accomplish this by empathizing with their feelings and recognizing them (appropriately) and also helping to partner with them in tackling the situation at hand. Let’s take example #2 of your child not making the team. In this situation, you might be inclined to protect your child from feeling badly at the birthday party and holding her back so that she doesn’t have to face her friends who all made the team. What does this accomplish? It communicates to your child that you don’t think she can handle feeling disappointed. Our recommendation is to show your child that you believe in her. Tell her that she didn’t make the team and help her recognize that this doesn’t define her by letting her know that you understand and see her disappointment and want to help her through it. Work with her to try and figure out how she wants to navigate the hardship. It will make her a stronger person, more resilient, more capable, and more confident in herself to navigate disappointment and failure in the future. Life is not easy. Your child will fail, your child will fall, your child will feel anxious, and your child will get scared. Take the opportunity you have as a parent and use these situations to help them build their skills, so that they can be confident and competent when they face adversity. By Ariella Soffer, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Janine Weisenback, LMSW, JD Reposted with permission from WEforum Connect for Life | September 2023  Many of you have probably noticed that practicing gratitude has become trendy. While gratitude can emerge spontaneously, we are seeing a recent push to cultivate or deliberately practice gratitude. We hear people say, “Count your blessings,” and we are seeing more and more people use affirmations and have gratitude journals. But does it work? And in what ways can it help? Let’s break this down!
What is gratitude? Gratitude is an appreciation of what an individual has received (Harvard Health Publishing, 2021). It is about noticing and appreciating the things we may take for granted. For example you may feel grateful for small or big things, such as having a good day, spending time with friends, paying the bills this month, having a place to live, experiencing love, and having access to opportunities. Gratitude involves two primary components (Greater Good Science Center, 2022; Harvard Health Publishing, 2021):
The benefits of practicing gratitude Indeed, there are significant social and personal benefits to engaging in gratitude. Many studies have found positive outcomes in individuals who practice gratitude, including mental health and social well-being benefits. Further, it has been found to be beneficial for well-functioning individuals and people currently struggling with mental health concerns (Brown & Wong, 2017). People who practice gratitude tend to be happier, are more helpful, and generous, have better sleep and academic (and professional) performance, and tend to be less depressed, less stressed, less lonely, and isolated (Brown & Wong, 2017; Mindful, 2022). In a review of the literature on the link between gratitude and health outcomes, the researchers found that in the majority of studies using gratitude interventions, practicing gratitude tends to lead to positive mental health and social well-being outcomes (Jans-Beken et al., 2020). In this review, women who engaged in a gratitude intervention had improved self-reported happiness when compared to women who did not engage in the intervention, and similar results were reported in older adults. Further, another study using a gratitude intervention demonstrated that it helped reduce negative affect and increased psychological resiliency in a sample of older adults. In addition, gratitude can help strengthen relationships and to develop healthier ones. In the same review described earlier, one study found that students who maintain a gratitude diary have a greater sense of belonging, and employees whose managers expressed gratitude for their work, were more productive on a day-to-day basis (Jans-Beken et al., 2020). Gratitude can have important social and personal benefits across various settings, and these studies suggest that gratitude may be good for our bodies, minds, and relationships. How does practicing gratitude lead to these benefits? Practicing gratitude allows us to focus on the goodness we have in our lives and offers us opportunities to use words connected to positive emotions. Perhaps people who practice gratitude attend to more positive things in their life and are less focused on negative emotions (e.g., resentment) and negative experiences (Wong et al. 2018). Further, practicing daily gratitude allows us to notice the positive little things in our daily lives (e.g., the sun shining; a stranger being friendly to you) and, over time, strengthens our ability to notice more goodness (Mindful, 2022). When it comes to improved sleep, research suggests that gratitude influences sleep because individuals who practice gratitude have more positive thoughts (rather than negative thoughts) before falling asleep (Wood et al., 2009). What are some ways we can practice gratitude? There are many ways we can practice gratitude, and finding the one(s) that works for you may take time. Here are some exercises to try: Gratitude letters: Write letters or thank-you notes to people for whom you are grateful. You may decide to send this, or you may not want to; the simple act of writing it can help you appreciate the people in your life. You can also write one to yourself once in a while.
Why incorporate gratitude this holiday season? The holidays tend to be filled with social gatherings with family and loved ones. These gatherings offer us opportunities to be surrounded by people and things we are grateful for and allow us to express gratitude. However, for many, this time of the year stirs up sadness, anxiety, or depression. Whether the holiday season brings you joy or makes you feel sad, practicing gratitude may offer you opportunities to find goodness in your life that is less obvious. By Michelle Leon, M.A., Therapist, Soffer & Associates Reprinted with permission from WEforum Breathe for Life December 2022 References:
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